Saturday, May 30, 2015

And to Our Old Girls State,

2 years ago and some change, my high school guidance counselor very forcibly handed me an application to Volunteers Girls State. He told me he thought I would be perfect for it despite my "I don't know"s and my skeptical looks. When I brought the application home with even more skeptical "Im not quite sure what this is all about, better not go" comments, to my dismay I was met by a mother who reminded me that I really should go, you know, for my college applications and what not. So, reluctantly, even though I distinctly remember trying to get out of it a few times, I sent in an application for Volunteer Girls State and was accepted into the program as a Delegate in 2013. And then my world was changed. Here it is, 2015, and I just finished up my second year as a counselor. Yeah, you could say that it left an impact on me.

I'm not going to try to explain Volunteer Girls State because no matter how elegantly I write or how competent you are, you will never get it. Yes, we teach citizenship, but not in the way you're thinking. Yeah, it involves creating a government, but not the kind you're used to. Sure, we make sisterhood-type bonds, but none like you've ever experienced before. No offense to you, reader, but you just won't understand.

And that's okay, because you don't need to understand. That's a phenomena that we joke about every year- explaining to your friends why you wore a costume made entirely of trash bags and paper on stage while singing a song that doesn't make sense, or why you stood up on night one and introduced yourself during your first election. At Girls State those memories will bring back chuckles, even tears. To you, reader, it brings back nothing. No words can describe what we experience, no pictures drawn can fully help you get it. But you get that we love it. You understand that we are changed, and that is all that you need to know.

And boy, are we changed. I tell my citizens every year that when I was that tiny, scared delegate back in 2013 who didn't really want to even go to VGS, I ran for every office I could get my hands on. Thing is, I didn't win any of those elections. Not a single one of them. At first fear visibly enters into that sweet little scared-to-death delegate. "You didn't win ANYTHING??". No, I did win something, I usually reply. It may not have been a tangible title, but I won something a lot deeper, more beneficial. I won a chance to get up and share my beliefs, whether it be beliefs on a made-up city/count issue or beliefs on a bill that I myself wrote. I found my voice when I got up in front of a room and spoke passionately (though also nervously) and for that I owe a debt to Girls State that I will never be able to repay.

When I returned as a counselor for the first time last year, I was able to actually work with the amazing women that changed my life just the year before. Engineers, Harvard grads, politicians, military women, business women, presidents/vice presidents of companies, the list goes on. Bottom line was I felt even smaller than I had felt as a delegate. How in the world amongst a group of women  this amazing and distinguished was little ole me going to make an impact on 40 some odd high school junior girls? I looked up to these women, stood in awe of how much wisdom and knowledge they had. I wanted their humor, their passion, their articulate speaking habits, I wanted all of them. A famous quote from Newton says that he is only able to see as far as he did because he stood on the shoulders of giants, and I wanted these women to be my giants.

But forget that superficial attributes these women had, what else did they contribute to make mine and countless other girls' experiences to magical? It was the love. As a delegate, I just thought the program kind of just happened. As a counselor, I see the intentions. I see these women assuring that every girl is reminded we are so glad she's here, that her voice matters, that she is loved and safe here. I also see those women assuring each other of that, even after they've been there for 50 years. I see love, friendship that lasts forever, growth. I am so glad that that group of ladies, wether they know it or not, are my giants.

.....
Friday and Saturday. The counselors arrive for orientation. We go over philosophy, emergency plans, decorating, meals, the works. For two days we buzz with excitement, dreaming of what our little delegates will be like, which city will hold the governor, how are lives might be changed this week. Nerves mix with waves of excitement and I am filled with love before I even meet my girls.

Sunday. Nervous citizens and anxious parents arrive at dorms. I lug a suitcase up a flight of stairs, show them to their rooms and hand them their new name tags. I welcome them home and see who they might become in just about 5 days before they even unpack. They usually glance at their parents, teary-eyed, because they don't want to stay at this place. I don't let it phase me because I know that in a few short days, they will be crying because they never want to leave this place.

Monday. We make nervous small talk. We begin to form a city from the ground-up, electing a mayor, city council women, party delegates. The girls aren't sold just yet, some even seem miserable. Just give it some time, I tell myself.

Tuesday. We combine with another city to form a county. We elect county officials, make more nervous chit-chat. Tonight, however, is Fast Song- a most magical night. Tonight the girls laugh and dance and sing and bond. Tonight, Friendships are formed.

Wednesday. Our girls write bills over ideas they are passionate about. We combine with yet another city to form a legislative district and elect representatives and senators based off of those ideas. They immediately head to legislature to begin. Our governor candidates debate.

Thursday. We watch the TN Supreme Court, hear speeches from our own Supreme Court nominees. That night is Olympics, where we dance and cheer each other on with as much love as we can muster. Tonight, friendships are strengthened.

Friday. We elect our governor and have an inauguration for her, complete with a ball. We begin the rounds of good-byes from the stage and the girls cry together, their bodies shaking because they know that this will never happen again. Tonight, they realized they are sisters.

Saturday. I give those bright young women who are completely different one last squeeze as they meet their parents again. Their parents are shocked. Who is this girl? Not their daughter, that's for sure.

And that's Girls State. What's the big deal though, right?

There is one particular night of Girls State that I arrive to already with fresh tears in my eyes. Before I left this week for VGS, I was laughing at why we all blubber like babies that night. I mean, after all, it's not like we're graduating or anything! We get to come back in one year and do it all over again. This week I was reminded why that night always gets me.

As I watch the procession of the governor, the legislature, the chorus members, I look at my city. They are sitting close, tears streaming down their faces, confident still. These are not the same young ladies I met not 5 days ago, no sir. These ladies know where they are going. They are confident. Those who were once shy now say what is on their minds. Those who were once to boisterous now listen to what others have on their minds as well. These ladies found their purpose, where they belong. They found that their ideas and thoughts mattered, that someone not only cared but loved them for it. They found a home for their heart, a home that for some of them is the first home they've ever had. I bawl like a baby because I see the leaps and the bounds these women made this week and it wrecks me. Absolutely wrecks me.

And then in come the letters. The girls will write notes of thanks, and this is my second favorite part of the week only next to when they first arrive in our city. I get to read about how these girls who I am amazed by look up to me. I read about how I helped them to get out of their comfort zone, let loose, find who they were. I get called a role model, a sister. I get met with tear-filled hugs because they will miss my inspiration. I get told that I am actually these girls' giant. And it might be the most magical feeling I have ever experienced in my life.

On Sunday I make final rounds, making sure nothing was left in the dorm rooms in the chaos of moving out. Rooms there were once filled with decorations and beautiful smiles and laughter are empty and dark and lonely. For a moment today I almost let this make me sad, but then I remembered that left scattered amongst the leftover bobby pins on the floor were memories, legacies. This process doesn't stop here for the girls, no ma'am. They will now vote as an informed citizen. They will say the pledge of elegance correctly. They will ask questions, speak up, continue to grow for the rest of their lives. Girls State can not be contained on one college campus. And that make my heart smile.

So no, readers, you may still have no idea what Girls State is. In fact, I may have even confused you more. But now you know how I feel about it, why I go back again and again, why I dream about it year-round. Girls State is magical. There's something hidden in the walls, something tucked away under the beds. Its those 20 seconds of insane, embarrassing courage that everyone wishes they were brave enough to take hold of them. Here at Girls State, we do.

Raise your voices, raise them high
Sing to Girls State and here's why
Look to Girls State and you'll find
Tomorrow's leaders of mankind

We are the future builders,
builders in a band
And we come from Girls State
The best state in the land
We are up and coming,
progressive, kind and strong
And to our old Girls State
We proudly sing our song!







Thursday, May 21, 2015

A Response to the Josh Duggar "Scandal" and A Note to Society

As I sit on Facebook reading people's comments in light of Josh Duggar's recent confession, I am in absolute disgust at the society we live in. Josh Duggar, who is the oldest of the Duggar clan and is now 27 years old, confessed today that when he was 14 years old he molested 5 girls, some of which were his sisters. In NO WAY is this a post defending his actions. I want that to be clear. What he did was so wrong, disgusting, and I don't understand it one bit. That's not the point. I don't think any one of us could argue that. I'm disgusted with how society is handling it.

After I read more of the story, I am among those who do not think that the situation was handled correctly at the time it happened. I am not defending Josh's actions. What I am defending, however, is how he is handling the situation now. How hard would it be to, at 27 years old with a family of your own, to admit this to the entire world, ESPECIALLY as a Christian? So incredibly hard. You know now that your reputation is shot, that your image is tainted, and that even the image of your God to some of the secular crowd is now broken. But He did it. And the family's comments on it were flawless. I have no criticism of that whatsoever.

However, as I began reading comments on the stories, I was just repulsed. Countless comments about how they saw it coming, how the family is completely nuts or "sick", how he shouldn't be allowed to be a father anymore. Now, if this were someone else more secular, say Kanye West or Channing Tatum, both of whom have families, what do you think the public's response would be? A COMPLETELY different slew of posts would come in.

The comments that aggravated me the most were about how the family is either "hypocritical" or how they are sick and they are shoving things like heterosexual couples' rights down our throats and touching little girls all at the same time. If you have EVER watched the show (and not just persecuted the Duggars from what you've heard or merely based your dislike with them on that fact that they are a christian family on TV), you know that they have NEVER once claimed to be anywhere near perfect. Just the other night Michelle admitted to a lot of hard things she went through as a young adult and how she regrets them. She and Jim Bob are very open about the mistakes they made in their dating life. Even in the statement about Josh's ordeal, most of what they are saying is along the lines of "we are nowhere near perfect and it allowed us to trust God a lot more and get closer as a family". That comment drove people the wildest I think, because multiple people said that was sick....why? When Bruce Jenner announced he is changing into a woman, America showed him full support, even though it was deeply affecting his children. When Miley Cyrus went absolutely crazy, the world embraced it, saying almost the same thing as the Duggars. Nobody is perfect, be who you are. Well, newsflash society, The Duggars are CHRISTIANS. And if you are gonna shove acceptance of homosexuals, illegal aliens, transgenders, Muslims, whatever it is, You HAVE to accept us too.

Christians today are called hypocrites so much it makes my stomach hurt, but guess what society?

You are the biggest hypocrite and oppressor there is. 

You choose to make the Christian beliefs the outcast ones. You choose to question the religious convictions of us, while glorifying an Islamic conviction. You choose to make nasty comments, calling us every name in the book. You choose to make the stereotype, not us.

I personally don't know a single Christian who is prejudice towards the homosexual/transgender community. I do not know of a single church who would turn anyone like that away. I have multiple gay friends, but I'm not tolerant? I respect their rights while still holding my beliefs without shoving them in their faces, but I'm a biggot?

Stop taking away my rights, America. Stop calling me names that aren't meant for me. Stop stereotyping. YOU are the problem, not me. God Bless.

Friday, May 15, 2015

An Open Letter to My High School Best Friends


Dear High School (and present-day) Friend-group,
    
   Wow. One year ago from this very date, our lives were changed forever. On May 15th, 2014 we took pictures, smiling in red shiny robes laden with ropes of colors that represented all of the organizations that allowed us to make memories, and we pushed worries to the back of our minds for the camera. We knew that everything would be different from that point on whether we wanted to admit it to ourselves or not. No longer would I get the comfort of walking down the hall to one of your lockers or looking forward to another day of lunch with you all. No more parking lot after-school talks or Jonah's pizza runs. After that night, we all would be going to different schools in different parts of the state and we didn't really know what was next. On May 15th, 2014, a piece of my heart broke forever that I let no one know was missing. 

   Now, one year later, I still get to be blessed by your friendship. I see that even though we may not see each other every day like we used to, we always make time for a reunion. I know now that just because graduation is long over doesn't have to mean that our friendship is too. That, I believe, will never end. And as I look at the 2015 graduates to see how they are handling this phenomenon, I notice a lot of differences in our friend group than most others and I just had to tell you all:

   -Thank you for being there with me. Some of you I had been friends with since forever. Some of you I met Freshman year. Some of you I got close to Senior Year. All of you had a lasting impact on me. A lot of growing up happens in high school and I'm so lucky I got to do it with you all. On days I thought were the "worst days of my life", I knew I had someone to lean on. On days where I was over the moon, I was able to accept "congratulations" from you all. I never once doubted that I would receive support from you all. 

   -Thank you for being Jesus to and with me. As I said, a lot of growing up happens in high school. I see status after status about parties for the graduates and remember even my last few years in high school where I was often ridiculed for not taking part in the party crowd and I am forever thankful I had a group of people who supported me the entire time. Instead of going to bonfires with alcohol,we had bonfires with s'mores, Jesus, and parents. I can't count the number of times I was able to have in-depth biblical conversations with you all and that really stuck with me. When most kids talked about nothing with their friends during lunch, we organized a 30 minute devo/worship session for our high school. Instead of curse words, old Spongebob quotes filled our mouths (I can't believe I just wrote that in a somewhat mushy blog post...). Even the summer before we went to college when most kids were out getting sloppy, we spent our Tuesdays at a church in Nashville, worshiping together. I could go on and on here, but the point is I am thankful I had a group I could be an "outcast" with. I had good people with good intentions. I never once felt pressured to do anything and that is HUGE. I don't know how it would have been had I never found my way to you all, but I sure am glad I did. 

   -Thank you for continuing to want to be in my life. As I said before, I know now that we still get to see each other and hang out. That's huge to me. I'm so grateful that you all consider me a big enough part of your life to continue to want to invest in me. I look forward to our "reunions" any chance I can get them. 

I was blessed to have walked the halls with you all for four years. I am more than blessed to continue to have you in my life. I catch myself laughing over an old joke or something funny that happened a few years ago constantly. My memories of us from high school will never fade. My experiences of us from now until we are too old to physically see each other will never end. Love you all, thanks for being there.