Pomp and Circumstance (Almost)

Today at a certain school on top of a hill, the bells rang one last time, locker doors slammed shut a final time, and a school parking lot drained out all too quickly. The same sounds were made, the same laughs were heard, and the same names were called today as they were when we first walked into that same school on August 1st, 2010. Today was my last real day of high school.

It doesn't feel happy or excited or even sad. There is only one word to describe the feeling that every senior is inevitably feeling at the moment and that word is "weird". I don't know what to feel. I'm excited for the future but then again it's uncomfortable. It's like we're mourning the loss of all the friendships we've ever known, the ones we've shared since we started Kindergarten in 2001. But at the same exact time we're fantasizing over the new friendships we'll create. The only thing I can connect this feeling to is my experience when reading Harry Potter (I'm a nerd, I know). You read a chapter where so much action happened and some losses occurred and all the sudden you find yourself at the end of that chapter feeling more emotionally confused than ever. You are excited and eager to move on to the next chapter to find out what happens next and to become enveloped in that story line, but you still find yourself lingering, fully reflecting on what you're leaving behind. That's exactly how I am today.

I know the next page of life will be full of more words and relationships and happiness. I have known for a while that the page I just finished would be coming to an end soon. But I'm in that weird in-between stage, that awkward blank chunk of paper between the ending and starting chapters. So the question now is, what do I do with that white space?

I think, for the moment at least, I will choose to use the white space to reflect. I've been a cheerleader and president of clubs and in AP classes. I've learned what I do and I don't like. I found Christ and real friendships and some not so good ones too. I've had an absolute ball as well as the most frustrating time of my life. It IS weird, a weird I won't feel again, but it's a good weird.

Hats off to you, class of 2014. You've been great and I wouldn't have wanted to go through this journey with anyone else. But now it's time for someone else to take our place. We left our mark, we made waves in our little pool. Let's not let the ripples stop here. Love each and every one of you. Your future will be as bright as you choose to let it be. God bless you all.


      Freshman year                   Sophomore Year                                       Junior Year                              

SENIOR YEAR!!

Saying "Bye-Bye" to 2013

As 2013 comes to an end, I find myself reflecting back on what made this year memorable for me. This year was the end of my junior year and the start of my senior year. It was the end of a terrible year of AP Chemistry and the start of the headache of scholarships. It was the pledge to begin to walk myself through the bible and the blessing of actually finishing it.It was a summer of camps, both spiritual and non-spiritual, that would forever change my life.  2013 meant a lot to me. But, in all honesty, these past few days of reflection have meant the most.

Maybe for me this year it isn't about what made 2013 memorable. Right now, it's about the protection that 2013 has/had to offer me. When the ball drops and the people kiss, 2014 starts. The year of graduation. The year of college. The year of money talking and making ends meet and meeting new people and being uncomfortable for some amount of time. Don't get me wrong- these are all things I'm excited for and I'm ready for... But that doesn't mean I'm not fearful, even just a little. This new year will be the end of what most people called the best days of their lives. My life is skating right by me and I can't even slow down. I've been wanting to skip through high school, and, don't get me wrong, I'm READY to take this next step. But for the next 5 months, I want to take it in. I don't want it to fly by. I want to enjoy the last 5 months with some people I will never see or talk to again ever. I want to enjoy living under my parents and being a kid. Because in 5 months, that's over. It will never ever go back to the way that it is now. And that's more than tough in some ways. 

All in all, I'm ready. I'm ready to grow up and to start life. I'm ready to meet those new people, to not me familiar with my surroundings, and to make more memories than I could imagine. I'm ready for the independence. I trust that God will get me there, no matter what I will be leaving behind in 5 months. 2014 is MY year. It's the year of promises and happiness and new beginnings. And I'm ready for that. But for the next 5 months, I will still be living in 2013. And I'm okay with that. 

My advice to anyone making those new years resolutions: stop. You don't need a new year to be a new you. If you are like me and you need the current year to stretch on just a little bit more, that can happen too. The next year is full of opportunities to improve you and improve the world. Be selfless, be wild, do something that you will remember for the rest of your life. But please, please don't stay the same. Embrace what God gives you, even if it's not what you're used to. This new year could mean 1000 different things, but only if you make it into what you want it to be. You don't need a resolution because such a thing does not exist. Make a change, stick to it, become who you've always wanted to be. And live.