Here's My Heart, Lord, Speak What is True

   Put your hand on your chest. You feel that constant thudding?  Social media often prompts you to do this so that you can feel your "purpose" beating inside of you, which is a little too abstract for me, but really, how cool is that? You're not even thinking about it and your heart is pumping about 2000 gallons of blood a day. 2000 gallons. When I start to think about what incredible things the organs are doing like that I begin to get really nervous because I know how intricate they are and how much heavy duty stuff they're doing. Luckily, however, I need not worry about such things because the maker of my heart is also the keeper of it. Unlike my car engine, when my heart stops working the manufacture of it collects the model and tweaks it until it runs forever. Cool, right?

   Today I went to a Tuesday night sermon/worship deal that I go to pretty regularly and we were worshipping to "Here's my heart" by Passion. The worship leader made some comment about how he heard no one knows what makes our heart start beating in the medical field and that's cool because we as Christians know what makes our hearts start beating. Well, he's partially correct. The medical field actually does know what makes our heart start beating, however they only know it in medical terms as "electricity". We know that this "electricity" very well may exist (yet I keep putting it in quotation marks for some reason...) but that it doesn't just happen on it's own. The maker of the stars and of life and of babies jump starts your heart and breathes life into your lungs and counts the hairs on your head before you're even depending on yourself to stay alive. I try to imagine what that must be like. The same God that created the Swiss Alps and Saturn and a sunflower wove my skin together, touched my heart (literally), blew up my lungs, and kissed the 643rd hair on my head. Let it sink in because that is CRAZY. You have literally been touched by God himself.

  I find it interesting that I know this but I don't think of it every day.  The only time I focus on my breathing is during my daily yoga (deep, cleansing breaths fellow yogis), but how precious is that breath? The only time I think about my heart beating is when I have one of those migraines where your heart is beating into your head, but how huge is each beat? I cry out to God again and again in school, asking for help and for success and for sanity, and again and again he grants just that to me, but every single semester I just do the same thing over again. When will I learn? When will I take what we might consider the most basic of bodily functions as precious as they are? When will I trust the one who made that heart or that breath in all areas of my life, always, without any doubts?

   I think I find it most interesting that we're the only creatures who live like this. One of the lines in my prayer journal from July 13th states:
     "As I sit in bed by my bedroom window, I hear thousands of crickets singing your praise in their own language. As soon as night falls they sing your praise until dawn and I think I could learn a lot from such a creature. You are higher, God."
The sun rises every day, warming the earth and reminding us of the great romance that is in Christ Jesus. The wind blows and unravels that same love story. The crickets chirp all night by my window, crying out to God. When will I learn that I should do the same? My heart is beating. My lungs are filling. God hasn't let me down yet, even when I thought he did. When will I wake up in the morning and sing praises until I fall back asleep?

So to God I say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't take as breath as preciously as I should. I'm sorry I doubt you again and again, even though I know that where I am is where you want me to be. You have gotten me through the very tip-top highs and the super down-hill lows. You have never once left my side. You have always provided for me, always been faithful, always been knitting me together as if I were still in your palm. And I can say right now in this moment, though I'm sure my human nature will cause me to doubt this in the future, You will always be by my side, always be providing, always be knitting. Even when it seems like you're not, I know that you are. Always.

"You are strong, you are sure,

You are life, you endure,

You are good, always true,

You are light breaking through,

You are more than enough,

You are here, you are love,

You are hope, you are grace,

You're all I have, You're everything,

Here's my heart Lord,

Here's my heart Lord,

Here's my heart Lord,

Speak what is true."

When the Stars Fall Down

Resurrection. Rapture. Apocalypse. Armageddon. End of life as we know it. The final show-down.

The coming of christ has many different names, categories, and definitions. There are different beliefs on what is going to happen, when it will happen, how it will happen, and the timing of all the things that are going to happen. People have different interpretations of Revelations and therefore hardly anyone believes the same thing when it comes to the rapture of the church. I mean, no one knows honestly, so I guess it would be more accurate to say that no one's guesses are exactly the same.

The other night as I sat down to eat a dinner with my boyfriend and his family, this exact discussion arose. Some of his family believe one thing, some believe the opposite, and the rest really do not know (I fall into that category). To catch you up:

Belief #1: Rapture First- People who believe in this theory say that the current followers of Christ will be raptured first (aka, taken from this earth to spend eternity with Jesus) and then the Tribulations that is outlined in the book of Revelations will take place. Followed by the tribulation, the people who realized they had missed out the first time and would like to dedicate their lives to Christ would be given a chance to do so. The "second rapture" will occur (this is when many people believe 144,000 Jews will realize Jesus is the Messiah they had been looking for and will also be saved) and then the full-out war between God's people and Satan's people will occur. Obviously Satan is defeated and we spend eternity as God's bride.

Belief #2: Tribulation First- People who believe in this theory believe that everyone on earth, believers and non believers alike, will be suddenly thrust into the tribulation that Revelations outlines. After that, there will be one and only one rapture of the people of God and then the fight between heaven and hell will commence.

Obviously these theories go much deeper and each have valid scriptural evidence to back up the claims. If you've by chance never taken a look at Revelations, its extremely symbolic and hard to interpret. It certainly goes above and beyond human understanding, as I believe God meant for it to go. My point I want to make here today is, are you ready for either option?

It would be easy and comforting to believe that we christians get to be raptured first and skip all the pain and suffering that comes with option 2. I think its safe to say that we all would prefer this to happen. The question is, however, what if it doesn't? What if option 2 is actually most accurate. What if you and I and our babies have to live through the years of tribulation, something that is quite literally hell on earth,? Are you ready to still worship God and still believe that He is good?

Sadly, I think the answer to this question is "no" for a lot of us. If the antichrist himself held a gun to our heads and told us to accept his mark or die in the name of Jesus, many of us would choose the easy way out and take the mark. Even harder, if he held a gun to our children's heads, most parents would most definitely accept the mark. We most definitely would choose satan and sin over Jesus. We absolutely would do what was easiest, what was most just in our own eyes. It would be a no-brainer to continue to conform to this world, a world that Satan controls.

I'm coming with this message today to get you thinking. In this day and age, not very often do we stop to pause and think about this reality. We do not know when Jesus will come to claim his bride. We do not know if we will suffer or if we will be given grace. It could be 10 minutes or days or weeks or years. But are you ready? And are you ready to die for your God? Are you ready to say "Yes, Satan. I follow Jesus and I know that You will be defeated and I will voluntarily let you take my family's life from me right now because I know that we will be in a much, much better place for our faith in Him"? That's a tough statement to spit out. But it's something you have to think about now.

As a near 20-year-old who has her whole life and a college degree ahead of her, this is something really hard to think about. I've been pinning wedding ideas and baby ideas for years now, and I'm finally getting to a point in my life where that very well could be the reality for me in the next 5 years. I could be a new bride with a baby on the way. Thats exciting. Everyone wants to meet Mr. Right and get hitched and pop out some kids and decorate a home together and grow old surrounded by happiness and family. It's literally the American Dream. But honestly, this might not be a reality for me. Jesus could be calling his bride home sooner rather than later. Am I ready to say "take my life and all the dreams and plans I've looked forward to since I could remember. I choose Jesus, not that."..? I think, in all honestly, I am.....

Are You?

There's a Time to Weep and a Time to Laugh...

Tonight I celebrate my graduation from my "baby christian" stage. Tonight was the graduation that my Sunday school class set up for the seniors. I can not begin to describe how incredibly blessed I have been through this group of people. I have truly witnessed the hand of God reach down to touch the kids in this group. I have seen almost every one of them break down in worship and weep because they couldn't possibly comprehend how great, how loving, how gracious our Jesus is. And through witnessing that, I have truly came to appreciate the beauty behind such actions. Being with this group of teens has blessed me in ways I will never again be blessed. Teenagers seem to more easily be able to swallow their pride and get on their knees (or sometimes even literally lay face-down to the ground) and cry out to God. They put hands on each other and they pray wholeheartedly. They put their hands out and they scream and sing  and cry because that is the kind of worship that our God deserves. They become Jesus and they rake yards and they make soup and they brush kids hair and they sweep floors and they carry tables and they do what needs to be done in the church and in the mission world. Adults have problems with these things. They don't want to go in front of a congregation and admit that they have flaws or that they haven't appreciated Jesus the way that he deserves. They pray in extravagant words because they think that's the way to go. They mumble worship music in hopes that no one will be able to hear the words that they sing because they are ashamed of their voice when they sing. They have work and a family and they cant go to Africa or the other side of the country or across the state or even up the road because that's somebody else's job and they have a life. It seems like the teen Jesus and the adult Jesus are 2 different people. However, I believe wholeheartedly that my group of teens, my sunday school class, my brothers and sisters will help to change this stereotype. I have watched them change lives and churches and communities. I have seen God use them. I can't wait to see how God will continue to guide them.

It has been my pleasure and privilege to be a member of such a wonderful group of people. It's a bittersweet moment, but I know that God will continue to bless the next phase of my life. It will be a different experience but a good one. This is a moment in time, however. Never again will I see such blessings as these. Praise the Good Lord.