The Blog if You Don't Know What You're Doing

Today I got the distinct honor of being able to speak to a group of girls in high school and middle school who are interested in possibly pursuing a career in the STEM field. When I was contacted about doing this, I was referred to as a "mentor" and immediately thought  "WOAH, I am not experienced enough for that word or this event". I decided to take it on because going out of your comfort zone is really important in my opinion and who wouldn't want to be called a mentor, am I right?  I went in expecting a group of girls who were all mini-me's, future engineers who had a passion for math and had a million questions about what it's really like to be a woman in engineering school. What I got was not that.

I walked into a group of girls who had no idea what they wanted to do. Some wanted to pursue accounting, athletics, education. Some thought they maybe sorta kinda wanted to go into something sciencey but they weren't sold on anything yet. At first I thought, why are you here? And then I realized that they are mini-me's. I was reminded that though I'm halfway through college and it feels like I've been fully committed to engineering for so long, there was a point in my life where I had no idea what I wanted to do. There was a point in my life where I wanted to be a teacher. There was even a point in my life where I wanted to be a mermaid-bus driver-lunch lady, but that combo was too complicated.

So I asked myself, do any of us really know what we are doing? I'm halfway through engineering school which implies that I should at least halfway know what the heck is going on. But the catch is, I honestly don't. I take my life day by day, never knowing what to expect or if I'm going to make it (I understand that is ridiculously irrational, I get it). I am trying to get an internship and soon a job and I honestly do not even know how to go about that. I don't know what my life will look like in 3 months. I don't know what my life will look like in 2 years. Or 5 years or 10 years or 20 years. And I don't think you do either.

But as I was driving home tonight my favorite Christian song circulating on the radio these days came on, and it was like water washing over me. It reminded me that no matter what I want, it doesn't matter. Its what God wants. His plan is best. If I fail a class, I will trust him. If I don't get an internship right away, I will trust him. If you have no idea what your day tomorrow looks like like me, let alone your next few years, trust Him. He's the only predictable, stable thing. The rock won't move. I think its super important to take a time out and reflect on this so I encourage you to listen to the video below because it truly is amazing. Im also a major believer in reading what inspires you, so I wrote out the best lyrics from the song below. If you listen to this song and read those words and your whole body isn't covered in goosebumps and you don't feel like you could do literally anything because God's got you, I don't know how to help you. God Bless, y'all.

"You are my strength and comfort,

You are my steady hand,

You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand,

Your ways are always higher,

Your plans are always good,

There's not a place where I'll go, You've not already stood

When you don't move the mountains I needed you to move,

When you don't part the waters I wish I could walk through,

When you don't give the answers as I cry out to you,

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you,"

It's the Fries Talking

Today served as a fairly large milestone in my life to me on a personal/spiritual level. It was the last day of classes of my first semester of college. Big deal, I got 7 more heading my way before I can throw a real party. But really, big deal. I know this is fairly a common thing these days, but to me its extraordinary. As many of you know, the path I am on right now is not one that I chose but one that God chose. I wouldn't be at the school I'm at or pursuing what I'm majoring in if God hadn't intervened. Sometimes, while I'm sitting in my room studying for hours, I regret this decision. Not because I don't absolutely love what I'm studying, but because I see people with the major I intended to pursue hanging out with friends and attending lots of school events. They "cram all night" (they don't) for a test in one of their classes and the test barely compares in difficulty to a normal quiz I might take or a homework assignment I have. It's pretty crappy sometimes. But I remind myself that I'm not just here for me, I'm here for the Lord's work, which is a super weird thing to hear coming from someone not majoring in anything directly theological at a school that is about as secular as they come, but I am. I love studying what I am studying and pushing myself, and today I reached a milestone. A semester of saying yes to God's plan and to pushing through the adversity that I face literally every day (no one takes me seriously in my major because I'm a girl and I wear makeup) and totally trusting him when NOTHING has gone the way I thought it would. So, with that huge introduction, here's the actual meat of the blogpost. The REAL college. This is the list of lies about college I grew up hearing and the reality of these lies. So sit back, relax, and laugh at my life. It's totally cool, I'll be laughing with you.

***Disclaimer: None of these terrible awful things may actually happen to you. My dumb roommate actually lost weight and eats lots of pizza and has beautiful skin and sleeps 12 hours a day (Hate you Bailee). ***

1) You're Going to be SO Fit: This was the thought running through my head when I first toured the college I currently attend. LIE. This might be an easy task for certain majors (let's be real here), but engineering is not one of those. If you want good grades, you find time to work out in an empty study room once or twice a week, something I do quite often these days. If you don't really care about your grades, go to the gym daily. I know many people who do this and their grades are mediocre at best, but hey, that's their choice. I went through my last two years of high school working out daily and my whole life playing sports so this fact is still pretty hard for me to deal with, but we're getting there.

2) Our Food Accommodates EVERYONE: FALSE. College food is the definition of suck. Our cafeteria comes complete with tasteless food and a staff that is so comfortable with our students that they feel free to take on our mom's job of yelling at us. You then find yourself eating at the restaurants around campus a lot, which gets old quickly. Yes, I'm saying it, Chick-Fil-A ain't cutting it anymore. I actually had a breakdown in my dorm about 20 minutes ago because I don't remember the last meal I had where fries weren't served. I was fortunate enough to grow up with a mom who cooked really healthy, amazing food every night. So this one's for you mom, get to cooking.

3) You will Get the Best Sleep of Your Life: Oh yeah I've bought into this one for a while. However, I underestimated just how fried my brain would get. I now find myself so wound up with stress that insomnia and I have become best friends. The other night I actually found myself solving calculus problems in my head while trying to sleep. Many nights have I woken up dozens of times because my dreams were filled with the homework I had just worked on or how I could have solved that problem on my Chemistry quiz. I went through high school getting 8+ hours of sleep no problem. I could fall asleep just about anywhere. Now I can't even escape from school in my own sleep people. There should be a scholarship for that.

4) Acne is a Thing of the Past: Perhaps the most cruel lie of all. I've had a mild problem with acne since middle school, however over the course of my senior year my acne had almost completely disappeared. Now my face could be mistaken for a pepperoni pizza. I think the culmination of lack of exercise, shoving greasy food into my face, and the restless nights all piled onto of the crazy amount of stress that I have is the main cause here (I'm working on all the above, bear with me). Oh, and incase you're interested, this reason what why I had today's mental breakdown. It's all good though, I swore off french fries.

5) And all the rest: You will be so much poorer than you ever thought you would be, you will miss your friends from high school more and more every day, anytime you see an animal will be a big deal because colleges have issues with animals, (if you go to a state school) your professors won't give 2 craps about you and the parking will suck, you will pay out the whazoo for your education, everyone around you will suddenly start turning into liberals, your chances of becoming a stripper skyrocket.

Yeah, I think that about covers it all. Now, there are very many wonderful, great things about college. However, no one ever wants to complain about good things. I'm hoping I will discover more and more good things as time moves on, but you never know how God works. I could hate my life for 7 more semesters, but I'm here for Him. Bottom line is, I don't care how crappy college is, if that's where God wants me then that's where God wants me. I will work as hard as I possibly can to make it, but only for Him. That's where I draw strength from because I can NOT do this on my own. I'm not smart enough, I don't have enough determination, I would go insane. God is the ONLY reason I'm doing as well as I'm doing (contrary to the impression you may have just gotten). I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for him making it possible. He's piled on blessing after blessing for me to be here right now, complaining about these things. I'm not about to give up on Him. Truth is, I kinda love being an engineer. Can this college thing just happen in the comfort of my own home?

Thank you for reading my rant. I promise my life isn't the joke I just made it seem. I'm extremely happy and blessed :)

The Proverbs 31 Woman

     Women everywhere, young and old, seem to constantly be making a statement along the lines of "I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman". I myself have put that out there into the Twitter world many times, making the point that I will always be striving to become that woman. In case you are unfamiliar, a "Proverbs 31 woman" is a woman that the book of Proverbs describes. If you haven't read it, I'll get you up to speed: this woman is super woman and us ladies need to accept the fact right here that we will never be this woman. Verse 27 points out that she "doesn't eat the bread of idleness", and I'll be the first to fess up: No woman can ever turn down a good source of carbs, am I right? ;)
        Aside from the whole bread business, becoming this woman is a tough gig. A lot of times I think girls put it out there that they want to be more like this, but they're not really sure what all this means. Taking a look at the main points of the passage, we will have to:

-Constantly provide our husband/boyfriend with support and encouragement

-Put our hearts into everything we do, even if it means working long hours

-Always extend a hand to the poor                                                         

-Not fear when life gets hard                                                                

-Choose a respectable boyfriend/husband                                            

-Not be needy                                                                                     

-Exude confidence in all situations                                                           

-Be smart, wise, and on point with our speech                                    

-Seek God with all our heart, mind, and soul                               

    I dont know about you, but to me that seems like a lot to keep up with constantly at first glance. It's actually kind of overwhelming. As women, we want to be a pleaser. It's actually in our God-given blood. God tells Eve that she will forever be submissive and seek approval from Adam. We want to make others happy. What happens when we can't keep up that end of the deal (which is often)? Something called an emotional break down happens, which results in no one on the face of the Earth wanting to come into contact with us because we're... well... crazy. The truth of the matter is that we will NEVER be able to be a Proverbs 31 woman all the time. We won't be able to hold it together. We won't always help the poor. We will snap at some people, ESPECIALLY husbands/boyfriends. We won't be confident or wise, and sometimes we'll get lazy. Something that's also in our blood? Failure. We will try to be this amazing lady and we will fail. 

          As disappointing as that seems, there is one thing on that list that doesn't have to fail. As long as we are seeking God and his will, we will forever be successful. In seeking God, we are forever noticing that we can't live up to these standards, but He can. He is our grace. If we keep our eyes on Him, all these other things will come along too. When we get weary and tired from trying to become this woman, we can rest in Him and know that it's okay. He is enough, He can do this, all we need to do is let him lead us. And suddenly being the Godly woman that Proverbs 31 describes doesn't seem so difficult. 

           So ladies, I hope and pray that you make an asserted effort to seek God and ask him to help you become this woman. Men (if you've stuck around this long), I hope and pray that you are seeking to find a woman just like this, because you need her. And I hope and pray that God uses you to become the hope that the world desperately needs. 

       Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who loves the Lord is to be praised".