It's 3 a.m. and I'm Tired of Silence

It is 2:29 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I have absolutely no idea where this blogpost will go.

 I do know,however, that I just returned from David Platt's Secret Church and that I am completely and utterly moved by Jesus Christ in so many ways. If you don't know what Secret Church is then I encourage you to find out more, but basically David Platt teaches the 100% gospel truth for 6-7 hours straight, highlighting areas around the world that actually do have to gather in secret churches. If you have read his book "Radical" then you know how this got started and the meaning behind it and how incredibly powerful it can be not only for those who are actually meeting in secret churches, pouring over the word of God with their lives literally at stake, but also for those of us who just want more Jesus. If you have time, then I think you might even be able to find the podcast of the secret church and I HIGHLY encourage you to spend 7 hours with David Platt exploring some of the most crucial, controversial topics that Christians have to deal with these days. I do not know what I am about to write, but I do know that God did not make me to be silent and I can not be silent after what I just heard.

Tonight we dealt with a number of topics, some of the major ones being abortion, homosexuality, sexual immorality, marriage problems, slavery, poverty, racial boundaries, among many other things. Ultimately the main thing that really resonated with me was that the truth on these controversial topics can not simply be glossed over because we as a church have an utter fear of society.

When is the last time you sat down at a church sermon and your preacher talked at length about how homosexuality is a flat out sin? Or how abortion statistically has defeated the number of deaths in the holocaust again and again? Racial Discrimination? The government? Yeah, I can't remember either. That's because churches just don't. We as a Christian society have completely bought into this whole idea of "come as you are" and "judgement free zones". While these types of things are very important and should indeed be regarded as gospel truths, we have completely blown them out of context. We have let society scare us into avoiding pointing out the wrongs of sin in fear of the hundreds of thousands of fingers pointed at the church with the labels "hypocrites", "bigots", "homophobes", "racists", you name it. We have churches today that preach that being gay is perfectly acceptable, that being faithful to God will result in financial blessings of which you should not have to share, that knowing Jesus should be comfortable, and more. And to what prevail?

BILLIONS of people are dying without the gospel. People who will never know the forgiveness, the wholeness, the never ending love that is Jesus Christ who died for our sins! As a church we should realize that the sins of a homosexual are no worse than the sins of sexual impurity that a heterosexual couple may commit, however we must not remain silent on a controversial issue in fear that it will offend someone. In case you haven't read the very words of Jesus, almost everything that Jesus calls us to do are completely controversial! We just don't read it as this way because our modern westernized culture has taken the radical words of Jesus Christ and shaped them into something we can find comfortable. Spoiler alert, Jesus calls us all to a radical life. We were made to be absolutely uncomfortable. We were destined to work and then work and then work some more and to give most of what we make to the poor or the widowed or whatever other cause you feel like you should give to. We were called to die to the desires of our own flesh, flee from sin as much as we can, and let Jesus walk with us every step of the way. We were not called to live as we please, to buy multiple homes and store up possessions for ourselves, to utterly ignore the problems around us or the billions dying in the world without Jesus. We were not called to live only in America, to justify that people in America "need Jesus too", simply as an excuse to not go to the nations. (If you are called to America, by all means, serve America! If you are using it as an excuse to provide yourself comfort, that is a sin and a direct violation of the Bible). Contrary to popular belief in the south, the white race is not the superior race. It is very biblically evident that we all came from the same race, therefore how can we possibly regard one as better? How could we possibly justify opposing things such as interracial couples? As long as both parties revere God, it is completely biblical (The only times God told his people to not marry interracially were in times when the other race were not godly and would lead his people astray). Opposing everything Dave Ramsey might teach, our finances are not ours. We should handle God's money with care and with education, but we should not hold on to it. I, as well as most of North America, am so incredibly guilty of this. While most of the world is living on $1-$2 dollars a day, the average American lives on no less than $90. This should shake us all to our very cores. My heart hurts thinking that I as well as almost everyone I know has bought into the world's view on material objects. The effects of our lust of money are deadly. It is complete foolishness to tell ourselves it is not our jobs to support others financially, be it someone who lives down the street from us, across the country, or across the world. There is nothing in the Bible that tells us this is okay, that your hoarding of money can be justified because someone in another country doesn't deserve it. That they don't handle it in an educated way, therefore they don't deserve it. Please, tell me where Jesus said anything close to that, because so many of us live as if he said it time and time again.

I realize that was a lot of biblical vomit, but my heart is absolutely full. 200 pages of a study guide filled with truths that for so long I have felt guilty for believing. Living in a society where anything goes while I believe very controversial biblical truths, especially in positions with political influence, has been one of if not the biggest struggle in my life. To take a stance on something knowing someone will call me a bigot, tell me that I serve an oppressive religion (Oh my goodness, if only they knew...Forgive them, Father), write off my beliefs as irrelevant because I live in the bible belt, am white, for the most part attend church at baptist churches.... that, readers, has been so hard.

I don't stand by my beliefs because "that's how I was raised". I don't stand by my beliefs because that's what white southern baptists in the bible belt of middle-class believe. I stand by my beliefs because they're biblical. I stand by my beliefs because they are 100% without a doubt biblically supported and truthful. They are things that are biblical fact and to argue them is to change the very words of God and at that point change a religion. I stand by them because at one point in my life I hit rock-bottom and knew that I was void of God and I was in need of a Savior. I felt Jesus Christ, I knew without a doubt that God was real and that I was feeling him and absolutely nothing anyone can ever tell me will ever change that belief. I stand by them because I am a sinner in so many different ways, no better than any gay, feminist, receiver of an abortion, killer, rapist, you name it. I stand by them because I have seen utterly broken people in the midst of the darkest points of their lives turn to our God, cry out his name, and have their lives absolutely changed. I believe in them because I have seen the hand of God reach down and touch my life forever. And believe me when I say that even the thought of death in persecution will never EVER make me back down from those beliefs. I will defend my Jesus until the very end of my human body if that is what it takes because, though most of our modern day church simply doesn't want to hear it, that's what we are called to do if it comes down to it.

So, after a very long post that probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense but is just what is swimming around in my heart right now, I challenge you to discover God's truths. In the next few days I might be writing a post on each issue addressed tonight. The thoughts portrayed in this blog are very honest, but I assure you they are all grounded in truth and scripture, and most of all love. I believe we were not called to serve ourselves or to twist the words of the bible into things that benefit our sinful desires, and I probably offended quite a few-if not all of my readers. Not a single person does not struggle with a sin addressed in this, including myself. And that's okay. But we MUST be aware of it. I hope you look for the posts to come on topics, my takes of what David Platt led us through, and again I encourage you to look for his secret church podcast.

Is It 2016 Yet?

If you know me, you know that there are some things that I am slightly obsessed with, a few of which are Lilly Pulitzer anything, anything related to dogs, and the US of A. I am involved with various political organizations, such as the American Legion Auxilary Volunteer Girls State, my school's Student Government Association, Tennessee Intercollegiate Student Legislature (TISL), and other small things. I have had a love of America ever since I remember, always holding the upmost respect for those in the armed forces, even seriously considering joining myself as an engineer for the Air Force. I believe in voting informed, holding the government accountable, and knowing what is going on in the government. I also believe in voting for the best candidate for any race. The one that lines up with what you believe on individual topics, not just what you think you believe in a political party. If you look at the history of political parties, you will see that what we deem "democratic" or "republican" was actually the opposite at one point, which explains why we see a lot of old timers who obviously believe in Republican values voting die-hard Democratically until they die. This is one of many examples that I use to urge you not just to look into candidates within the party you think you are affiliated with, but to both parties. Not only will it help you better select, it will also assist you in not sounding like an idiot when someone asks you why you don't like a certain candidate.
With that being said,
 Party politics by rule works something like this:
-Members of the Republican/Democratic party are SUPER Republicans/Democrats. They are usually much more concerned about getting their party re-elected than they are about electing a candidate somewhere in the middle. So as we can see in our Republican primary candidates, for example, the candidates all "believe" the most Republican things they can support. Anti-abortion, traditional definition of marriage, lower taxes, border control, repealing Obamacare (my new favorite because that will be a really big disappointment whenever they get elected into office), all that jazz.  When the Republicans elect their super Republican and they have to begin campaigning to the rest of the nation, their views tend to get a little less Republican-ized. Funny, huh? Then, when they get to office, we see that almost all of the things that they promise actually do not happen. Did Obama fix the economy? No! Does Obama even have control over the economy? Not a lot, no. Sure, presidents can do some things to help boost the economy, but for the most part (unless they pull an FDR and do some things that are actually kind of illegal) presidents have no control. This phenomenon in which almost every citizen slowly becomes dissatisfied with the president that they loved so much when they voted is called the Expectations Gap, and you can thank the Great Depression for the fact that we now expect much more from our President than he can actually legally deliver. Which is the long way of saying that the best Presidential candidate for the nation actually is probably somewhere between a Republican candidate and a Democratic candidate but they don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting elected, so to speak.

*takes deep breath*

Now that that's out of the way, I will say that for the upcoming Presidential election I will be voting Republican. I find that I (most of the time) agree with Republicans more, however I ALWAYS will make sure I know what every candidate believes.However, there is no Democratic candidate that I agree with (in fact I would almost sell a limb to assure that Hillary does NOT get elected, jokingly saying that the only person that has been in office dumber than her was Jimmy Carter), so I will have to vote for the "lesser of two evils", a super Republican. Luckily I really am liking the Republican candidates and honestly can't choose who I like most. In all honestly, they all believe almost the same things (at least for the primary, for reasons described above). So here are my notes on 3 (excluding Jeb Bush, because lets not kid ourselves)

Rand Paul: We've seen some good things come out of Rand Paul, such as his 2013 fillibuster moment which was AWESOME (political nerd coming out, sorry). I really like knowing that he is willing to stand up (for long periods of time, even!) for what is right. As I said, he pretty much thinks the same way right now as the rest of the candidates, so that's all I got.

Ted Cruz: I've heard good things and I've read some of the things he has voted on/believes in, but honestly I don't know much about him besides the fact that my parents like him. So for right now, I'm still soul searching on this one.

Marco Rubio: This is where it gets interesting, if you like strategy. We have also seen good things out him, but strategy is where it gets really important for the Republican party. First off, Marco Rubio has gotten some national recognition before which is really important for portions of citizens who vote on names that they may have heard before, not on policy. Also, he is a Latino American. Our Latino numbers are increasing very rapidly and they stereotypically vote democratically, as that's usually who gives them the most benefits. However, if we had a presidential candidate that was one of them, would that make them more inclined to vote for him? Granted, Jeb Bush is also a friend of the Latinos, however I believe that Marco Rubio has the upper hand being as he is one. And 3/4ths of America doesn't hate his brother. That helps too. Anyway, this fact could really assist the Republicans in getting the upper-hand of what is bound to be some lame feminist movement with Hillary (I am a woman engineer, if anyone knows about sexism it is me. So believe me when I say we have far fewer issues than what feminists will lead you to believe).

That's just my two-cents on the whole issue there. We still have a large chunk of time before we need to seriously start considering who to vote for, but it's nice to know where they stand now and where their platforms morph to over the process as a whole. With that being said, I want to take some time to debunk what so many Americans believe:

The President is not our King. No matter whether you like Obama or dislike Obama (Or Bush, or any other president), he (or she?) does NOT hold all of the power. Take it from someone who takes Government classes because I think they are fun, the American Government system is so incredibly in-depth and well thought-out that our checks and balances really do work. Yes, there have been historical instances where presidential power probably did come a little close to over-stepping it's  bounds. There are probably other instances involving Congress or the Supreme Court, but was there an uprising about that? No. MUCH more Americans vote in the presidential election than in the congressional election, which is really crazy because CONGRESS WRITES YOUR LAWS. Congress is the most important branch of the government (not just my opinion, read the constitution) and next to no one gives a flip about them because this country is under the impression that the President runs this thing. HE DOES NOT. Now, do I want to see Hillary Clinton elected? Heck no! I don't agree with literally anything that she says. While the executive branch does not have all the power, it does have some and that should be respected and accounted for. But if Hillary Clinton becomes president do I honestly think that America will burst into flames (aside from the jokes I will inevitably make)? No, of course not. Because when that happens she will suck so bad that Republicans will inevitably have control of the House and Senate and the whole system will jam up as it is now and policy will get nowhere until we can get someone else in there. That's exactly what we are seeing in the office today. I do not like Obama even a little, however he has not run our country into the ground. He has done some really stupid things, like Obamacare for example (something I hope gets taken care of in the next few years, though it will be a booger to revise). He also has over-utilized executive actions (most of what he has done has been executive actions, not orders as the media would have you to believe, which means that it is much less formal and holds much less legality, making it much less scary. Feel better?), I agree, but in all honestly all he has done, with the help of Congress, is make a bunch of gridlock on legislation and taken a lot of vacations. So that's my long spiel about how 'Merica actually works. Sorry, it had to be said.

I hope that was coherent as describing the many facets of our government is way complicated. Again, we will have to see where candidates are in a year or so, but that's just my thoughts on where it is going. Remember to be informed and read up on what is going on for the election next year and to vote at all costs! Not everyone (intact almost no one) has the right and the power that you hold and it's only by you holding the government accountable that we get to keep America great. God bless.

Dear Class of 2015

I am about 3/4ths of the way finished with my first year of college and I inevitably have great amounts of wisdom to pour out on the class of 2015,right?
Wrong. Truth is, I'm learning as I go. I want to share some of the things I have learned, but I'm definitely still learning. I am going to be 100% bluntly honest on what you should expect going into college, some practical tips for success, and even some very poorly taken pictures of items that I didn't think to get for my dorm at first but ended up saving my life (literally and figuratively).

What is college REALLY like?
I am an engineering major. My view on college looks radically different from another major's view. My experience is also very different than someone who is a super genius, so if that is you, this post probably won't help you much. So if you are planning on majoring in something science related (or medical, maybe), this will run pretty close to what you should expect. If not, or if you scored a 36 on your ACT, this could be drastically different.

College is hard. I went from making high As in high school without trying, competing in math competitions, and being in the top 5% of my class without even studying to becoming a "study zombie". Most of the classes you take as an engineer throw a lot of complicated information at you and you are expected to master it in no time. For me, this meant that I no longer had a life and became a slave to books (I will talk more on this later... just know I am by no means actually advocating this). It is really tough for me to transition from the student I was in high school to the one  that I am right now. I know when I was in your shoes and people told me it would be hard, I didn't believe them. I thought if I just studied 24/7, how could I not make an A? You won't realize it until you're here, but that's how college works. It's really really intentionally tough.

So, for most engineers, the college experience is different than what other people might get to experience. My social life outside of study groups and talking to my mom on the phone at night doesn't really exist. I don't always get to attend sporting events or other events on campus because every day calls for hours of studying. I even left our homecoming game at half-time to study for a chemistry exam (that I made an 88 on, might I add). I sleep as much as I can, I go to the gym whenever I can squeeze it in, and that's about where it ends.

I'm not exaggerating here. I have many many friends in engineering and their experiences are very similar. It's tough and taxing, but it's not all bad. It's interesting and you reach a level of pride in yourself you never have before because you never thought you were capable of doing these things (at least I didn't, maybe you do). It's definitely going to be worth the effort put in, and almost every day I think about the moment when a diploma gets put in my hand.

Tips for Success:
1) Get a planner! I will talk more about this later, but my planner literally saved my life. It honestly holds my life together. I know what I need to do and when every thing is due and when my next test is and scholarship deadlines. It has my life in there. Every school year I tried to keep a planner and without fail after two weeks I never touched it again. In college, its impossible to be a sane person and not have some planner-type item. My first semester I did not have one and I constantly had nightmares of missed deadlines and tests I didn't study for. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown (no exaggeration) and my planner saved my life. It's that important people!
2) Mentally Prepare Yourself: I still work at this every day. The probability of failing a class or making a C is very high as an engineer. Around 50% of engineering students fail their first semester of Calculus, let alone the other classes. I have scholarships that I am determined to keep as long as possible, but I make sure that I tell myself if I lose them it's okay and its not the end of the world. College is very much of a mind game.
3)Come here with a purpose/GET INVOLVED WITH CHURCH: I can not stress this one enough. I would have no drive some days to get out of bed and do the things I do if I did not wholeheartedly believe that God put me on this earth to be an engineer and to serve him through it. Sunday mornings are heaven on Earth for me. Jesus carries my burdens. I am always worth it in his eyes. I draw my strength from my God and oh my gosh I can't imagine trying to tackle this without him. It couldn't be done, not for me. The first Sunday you are in college, find a church. (If you are going to Tech, Steven's Street Baptist is a WONDERFUL church and I'd be delighted to take you).
4) Try your best to live like a normal person: It's stereotypical that engineers don't have a life, but I encourage you to try to live as normally as possible. I try to go to the gym at least 2 week nights and every day on the weekend. I get 8+ hours of sleep best I can whenever I can. I eat healthy things so I feel good. I try to relax every now and then and watch a movie or hang out with someone. You have to have an outlet.
5) Get a strong support system. As I said before, I couldn't do this without Jesus, but I also couldn't do this without some other people. My family. When I think I fail a test, my mom is the first person that I call. She is able to talk me out of the "post-test insanity". I'm constantly given money by family members to get whatever I need, being encouraged by them that I can do this. My boyfriend, who is also an engineering major, and I try to talk each other up as much as possible. My room mate is always there to listen when I need to vent. I don't care who you get to listen (even though Jesus does need to be one of those people), just make sure you have somebody.

THE PICTURE SHOW!
This is a smallish list of things that I did not think to get before college started and then realized I desperately did need them, so I thought I would share these with you. But first, heres some pictures of my dorm al together!

1) As I already said, a planner. Mine is the Lilly Pulitzer Agenda. I got this because, as I said, I don't have a very great history of keeping up with a planner, so I decided if it was pretty enough I would have to use it. I love love love it and I will forever buy one now.

2) Good sheets: I love my bed. My bed is where I go to destress, and it's likely to become yours too. With that being said, I can't stress enough how important it is to get good sheets. Let me clarify: good does not necessarily mean most expensive. I got mine at Target for $14.99 mostly because they were the right color of royal blue. However, I had not yet tapped into the magic that are the Target sheets.For years when I went to things such as Girls State or church camp, I used my brothers old knit sheets from his college years and HATED THEM. I always woke up in a cold sweat, and then lay awake fearing what might happen when I start college. Would I sweat ice water? Would my sheets bring me pain??? Then I slipped into these babies. Miraculously, when its hot outside they keep you cool inside. And then when it's cold outside they keep you nice and toasty. Also, they don't get stained from benzol peroxide, a common agent used in acne medication (that I use, and most of my towels are bleached from). And finally, they wash up so nicely which is very important to me because I wash my sheets like a obsessive freak. Sheets are important people. 

3) A bedside fan. Depending on your sleeping arrangements, this may or may not apply. However, most college dorms include a loft setup of some sort and as we all know, heat rises. After one night of sleeping in a lofted bed without a fan, I knew something had to change. So my parents and I searched until we ran across this 10 dollar wonder from staples. Not only can it be used as a clip-on fan, it also comes with a stand to use on your desk. Mine is stylishly fashioned to the side of my bed with duct tape because the clip isn't technically big enough for the railing, but it gets the job done. I am not exaggerating one bit when I say that I would burst into flames at night without this baby. 

4) Similarly, a beside lamp: Again, I am in a lofted bed, so lamps that hang up in the air aren't very prevalent. Investing in a clip-on lamp is essential. I have a room mate who also likes her sleep, but I also want to go through flash cards in bed or read my bible in a more relaxed setting. This bad boy solved the problem. Now I don't have to worry about waking up my room mate from her slumbers and I also don't equate my desk with a place where relaxation goes to die. Sometimes it's nice to crawl into bed and study. 

5) Keeping along the same lines, a lap desk. This is something that I knew I needed before college and my sweet Nana actually got this for me for Christmas in 2013. To actually get into bed and do work requires some form of desk in a lot of cases, and this one is perfect for that. It also comes in handy when I go to do laundry and am waiting on my clothes to wash. I just take it with me and sit in the lounge and study why my laundry finishes up. Thanks Nana!

6) Finishing up with the things that can be used in bed, it's also beneficial to have a back rest(I'm not actually sure what these are called). It makes doing work in bed (or even just reading) a lot more comfortable. Again, thanks nana!

7) I lied, one last thing for your bed. If you are in a lofted bed, a mattress caddy is essential. Mine holds things like my retainer, my bible, my headphones, glasses, lotion, and phone. You don't really think about things you might need by your side in bed until you're suspended in the air without a night stand. I got this off of ebay for probably 8 bucks. (props to me for this sweet aerial view, right?)

8) A yoga mat. For the nights I don't really have time to go to the gym, I pull out my yoga mat and exercise in my dorm. Yoga not only is a great work out, but it also helps you de-stress. There are lots of videos on youtube specifically for college students. Its great for sleep, digestion, studying, you name it. It also is one of the only forms of exercise you can do in your dorm room. This was another item I got beforehand, actually as a graduation present, thanks to my brother. 

9) Dry Erase Markers: For engineers, this is so important. I invested in the 18 pack at Sams club because I use them that much. The library is covered in white boards, the study room in my dorm has one, I even have a small one in my room. I keep expo markers in storage, on my desk, and even in my backpack with me because you just never know. I use these probably every day. Great for doing math/chemistry. I swear by these. 

10) For my ladies, a jewelry carrier. This works so perfectly and I am so in love with it. If you are like me, you have lots of fashion jewelry and you are really stressing about how you are going to lug all of that bag and forth with you. I come to you with a solution: This holder comes with a hook. At school I leave it hanging on a command hook for easy access. It rolls up for travel, and in .5 seconds I have packed all of my jewelry to go home. It really is THAT simple. I keep earrings, headbands, hair bands, necklaces, and bobby pins in there and it works wonders. My nana got mine from 31 gifts and it is a life saver. 

11) Finally, A comfy chair. I use this one separate from my desk chair that comes in the dorm. I learned last semester that it is good to have places in your dorm for you to relax and unwind and without them you learn to hate your desk. I use this to watch the occasional movie or tv show mainly. It also works great with company. When not in use, it folds up and slips between my desk and the wall. It also looks super cool because its a BUNGEE chair! Cool, right? Unfortunately I think I raided every Target in Nashville looking for the last one in Middle Tennessee, so you might have to find a substitute. 

Of course, this list doesn't include the obvious. You know you need bedding and flash cards and pencils. These are just things that improved my life so much that  I realized I could not possibly live without them, no exaggeration there. Remember, you are moving away from home. This new place you are moving into is your new home, make it as comfortable and accommodating as possible. 

So, we have come to the conclusion of a very long blogpost. I hope you all are enjoying the last few months of your senior year. These months were by far my favorite ones, so take it all in and please do not rush to this moment. Senior year is very unique. I wish you all lots of success and happiness in your years to come and if you have any questions, want more advice, anything, please contact me. God bless!

Being "Who You Are" is a SIN

Alright, being who you are isn't really a sin, I just wanted to get your attention. 

No, being who you are isn't really a sin, but then again, it is. We live in a society that drowns children in this ideology to be who they really are, to not let anyone tell them differently. We want them to be independent, make up their own mind, do their own thing and not let anyone tell them that it's not okay.  

But who are we, really? At the core of who we all are is pretty gross. We are truly evil creatures, and it begins as children. We tell lies, we're selfish, we're mean as a snake. We hate the people who raised us, we physically hurt others for making us mad, we use our words to bring others down. We let jealousy overtake our relationships, as well as lust, not to mention sexual immorality. We hate, we covet, we curse the God who made us. Some of us kill, spill blood, break down the body that was made just for our own souls. We are vile, nasty things. All of us. This is the core of who we are. This isn't something that is disputable, this is fact. Read a psychology book, it's in there. 

Is this what you want to teach your children? 

When Christ preached his most controversial of sermons, he said that we as Christians should die to ourselves. We read that now and think "Dang, Jesus, cool it down!", but it's totally true. We literally are called to make every effort to kill the human in us. We are told to take up our own crosses (think electric chair, a killing machine) and follow Jesus, no questions asked. Now, many lessons can be taught from this one statement, but to me Jesus really is saying this: 

               Today, when you accept me as your Lord and Savior, you are no longer you. You are me. You must eat my body and drink my blood. You must take up your own cross, carry it on your back, then die hanging from it. And then, you must become transformed as I did. When you decided to listen to Satan over God all the way back in the Garden of Eden, you decided who you were. Not anymore. You are now light of this Earth. When you seek me and stay in my word and let me take you through this process of transformation, you gain goodness, patience, joy, peace, happiness, love, self-control, kindness, and gentleness. You aren't you anymore, you get to be me.

If the Bible says it's a sin, it's a sin. I don't care if you were "born that way" or if you think "it's not really bad for you", you check absolutely everything you do with that book and with God. Because who you are deep down is not who you want to be, I promise. Prison is full of people who were being who they really were. 

And At Last I See the Light!

Today as I sat down in the church pew and looked at what the title of today's sermon was, I instincitively let out a sigh. "Give Like Jesus". It's the beginning of the year, I thought,  it's time for the annual plea for money. I was somewhat mistaken, however. Yes, an amount of it was indeed about giving financially, something that a college kid doesn't really have the luxury of doing so much. But a large part of the sermon was not just about giving money like Jesus, but giving yourself in general like Jesus. The beginning of the sermon was led by a guest speaker who was actually a missionary serving at an international Christian school in Germany. I'm not going to go into what she talked about aside from a statement that she made that hit home with me (and i'm sure will hit home with a lot of you, too). When asked how she made the decision to go into missions, she told of how she was living as most of us in America do, in intentional blindness.

Intentional Blindness. 

Love that statement. One of Satan's best tools here in this country is comfort. Comfort can be such an evil thing. From birth we are taught to strive for the "American Dream". Graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have a family, live happily ever after. How many of us are living in this intentional blindness? We know that God isn't just calling us to put money into an offering plate. We know we actually need to be in the mission field, being intentional in people's lives, investing in them so that they may know the greatest of loves. But do we? Of course not. That would be uncomfortable. That doesn't fit in our 9-5, 5 day a week work schedule (and definitely not in any of those work schedules that don't look as good as that). We can't fit that around our class schedule. It's never a good time.

Most of us don't have a clue what joy can come from being fully obedient to God, and answering that call to live beyond ourselves and our little American Dream. Look at the story of Esther. She knew she had to go before the throne of the king, her own husband, without being summoned so that the Jews might be spared. This broke a very sacred law in the culture, and she was to be executed immediately, no questions asked. However, Esther was obedient to God, despite knowing what her fate would likely be. Her life was spared, as well as the lives of thousands of Jews.

You will never experience the full extent of God's goodness, blessings, and presence unless you take that step of obedience. Saying "Yes, God" and actually doing what God tells you to do next are two completely different things. And, incase you were wondering, there will never come a time when it's comfortable to do God's will. It will always be hard, uncomfortable, taxing, maybe even financially burdensome. But I can promise you that He will never let you fall. Ever.

If You Ain't Talkin' Money, I Don't Wanna Talk

Excuse the silly title. It has next to nothing to do with this blog post, but it got your attention :)

It really bugs me when someone asks me a question or when I'm telling someone a story and they do not give me their undivided attention. I pay everyone I talk to with that respect and not receiving it in return is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. If you don't feel like I'm important enough for you to stop talking for a whole minute while I get a chance to speak, we most likely will never be friends. Letting someone talk while you just focus on their words is one of the greatest kindnesses you can pay a person.

I have a friend that will make you feel like 100 bucks just simply because he listens to what you're saying, looks you in the eye when you're talking, and asks you questions. We aren't really close at all, but I feel like he has invested in my life after talking about the simplest of things simply because he pays everyone he talks to with the kindness of listening to their words. It's really important to me. Nothing ruins a moment like when you're telling someone a story and they turn to someone else and start talking or interrupt you to tell their own story or with just a random thought. I'm telling you, nothing in this world makes me feel more worth it than when people listen to me, even if it's a 30 second conversation. It's important.

It's also important for us Christians. We can't expect someone to allow us to invest in their lives if we don't hear them out. There is no other way to make someone feel worthy for the love of Christ than just looking at them when they're talking and not interrupting. If we as Christians paid this simple decency to someone we are trying to witness to, how much more likely are they to come to church with us? How much more willing will they be to listen to us tell the Gospel if we have already taken the liberty to listen to them first?

There is a very loving bible-thumper that frequently visits my college campus to bring the great news of hell to all the open-minded college students walking to class. (Please tell me you picked up on all my sarcasm- He's a crazy, mean man and college students are, contrary to popular belief, some of the least open-minded people out there). This man stands on a concrete pillar, screams at students, and then allows students to come talk to him. Basically what this means is he allows them to bicker with him. He lets them ask him a question, cuts them off before they're done to put in his lengthy response, and when it's their turn to respond again,  he does the exact same thing. You can imagine how effective his visits are. Students don't feel heard or wanted, and all this man accomplishes doing is turning people who may have been won over for Christ away because now they associate all Christians with this crazy man who does not give two flips about what they have to say.

This is not who we are. Jesus was a teacher, but he also was very much a listener. He promises to be a shoulder to cry on, a shelter. You can't cry on someone's shoulder who isn't willing to listen to your sob story. Jesus listens. God listens. We were made to listen twice as much as we are talking. There is nothing that will make a person feel more worthy, loved, important. It's an easy thing to do to show the love of Christ. And it's just a human decency.

So try to have an intentional conversation with someone today. Look them in the eye, ask questions. This conversation needs not to last over 2 minutes unless you want it to, but I promise it will be the highlight of someone's day.

Though the Earth Trembles, God

Tonight, as I prepare for bed, I picked up a journal that I worked on all summer before college. The wonderful Mrs. Leslie Hudson, also known as my former Sunday School teacher, had challenged us to read the book of Psalms in 30 days, make categories in a notebook that would relate to our lives (happy, sad, fear, ect.), and then categorize the Psalms. I like to think of it as my emergency God book. Tonight I needed some emergency God. I have been suffering from awful sleep insomnia ever since I've started college. You all know this if you paid any attention to my long rant that I posted at 2 am (not the best of ideas I've had, I admit). It's the end of the semester, I have an exam at 8 in the morning, and I just want rest. So I flipped to my little category labeled "fear". Honestly, I don't know why I chose fear because fear has absolutely no correlation with sleep but I did, I turned to fear. And here are the first 2 passages that I read.

Psalm 46: "Therefore we will not be afraid. Though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the sea...."

Psalm 62: "Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him."

I didn't need to open my bible and flip to Psalm 46 to see what the rest of that sentence was. I had written it exactly like it is shown above in my journal because I knew that on nights like this that would be all I needed. I don't need to know the ending. I need to know that I will not be afraid no matter what comes my way. No matter if the mountains in my life are toppling over or even if in real life the actual earth began to shake and the mountains literally did fall over, I will not fear. My God is bigger than that. He's bigger than my insomnia. He's bigger than my exams. He's bigger than the degree I will earn, all the success I will ever have in my life, any burden I will ever bear or pain I will ever feel. He's bigger than anything in my life. He always will be. That's comforting.

Psalm 62 was the cherry on top. Rest easy because I'm exhausted? Rest easy because I've studied until I've driven myself crazy? No. Rest easy simply because my hope comes from Him. I don't need another explanation or another reason. I just need God, who is always true and is always right and always comes out on top. My soul is in the hands of the maker of the stars. I will rest easy.

Though the mountains fall into the seas and the earth shakes. Though the skies turn into fire, and the waters rise to our necks. Though my body is exhausted physically and my brain even more far-gone than that, I will rest easy. My God wins.