That about sums it up without going into too much boring detail. I've had some ups and some downs in the last month, many of which were cleaned up after dropping a class taught by a professor who thought very highly of himself. All in all the college experience is getting progressively better, even as I head into a very hectic and stressful week.
The worst thing about college, for me at least, is the intimidation. I am a woman engineering major, which means I am among the a vast minority of people. I go to a college where every freshmen enters majoring in some type of engineering field and quickly changes to a business major. Engineering is HUGE here. Definitely the best college to go to for engineering in the state, and almost in the entire southeast. Engineering companies around here only hire graduates from my school in a lot of cases. But think about how incredibly intimidating that is! I am in a male-dominated field, and I am by far not the smartest student in the college. I live every day in intimidation and awe that I can actually do the things that I am doing. I mean, a year ago I was going to go to a private school and become an elementary school teacher. My life has not always looked like what it does right now. The difference is God stepped in and told me what he wanted me to pursue. He laid on my heart mission work that I can do as a Civil Engineer. He put a love of math in me (something I was NOT born with) and a fascination with structures. And so I made the switch and here I am. And I'm doing pretty great so far.
Granted, it will get much, much harder as I get into higher level classes. But I trust God. I know without a doubt that I am in the major God wants me in. He blessed me with scholarships specifically for engineering, something I know he wouldn't have done with this is not where I was supposed to be. I know that right now I'm not studying for me, I'm studying for the gospel. I will not ignore the mission calling that God has on my heart. I can't wait to see how that unfolds, but I'm not giving up on it. But bottom line is, I'm not in school for me. Which is why I am working my butt off. I'm doing the Lord's work right now. And I truly believe that. It may sound crazy, but I truly believe it.
The only thing that is getting me through it is knowing that God is stronger. I go back to a worship song I have sang many many times. Part of it goes a little like this:
"I may be weak,
but Your spirit's strong in me,
My flesh may fail,
but my God You never will"
Whenever I'm intimidated or scared about what the future is going to look like this, I remember these verses. I know that I can do NONE of this on my own. Not joking, none of it. I would be doing terribly in college. I am not strong enough to handle this pressure by myself and I know that. I know that sounds crazy because many people go through college without Christ, but it's been a tough transition and on my own I am not emotionally or mentally capable of handling it. But God is. And God never fails. And I'm here by his calling, by his plan. So I know he's got my back, and I'm going to follow him throughout this journey, no matter if it takes 6 years and I lose all my scholarships and I'm a nervous wreck. I'm where I need to be.
I challenge you all to find exactly what it is that God is leading you to. It may not even be a degree or a call to the mission field in the sense that most people see it as. It could be something totally different and crazy. I just want you to listen to that calling and stick with it. It will be intimidating, but let God amaze you. He will work wonders in you, no matter how crazy it is, and you will push through. I'm going to use the very over-used bible verse Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". It's over-used because its so incredibly true. Go out there and be awesome. And listen to this worship song because it is the bomb. (ps. I'm a civil engineering major, not a computer engineering major, so you're going to have to copy and past the link below into your browser, but it's worth it)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMVvqI1-tM4
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