"But my God you never will"

Quick update on my life: I'm in college, I have a hard major, I am stressed and don't have time to think.

That about sums it up without going into too much boring detail. I've had some ups and some downs in the last month, many of which were cleaned up after dropping a class taught by a professor who thought very highly of himself. All in all the college experience is getting progressively better, even as I head into a very hectic and stressful week.

The worst thing about college, for me at least, is the intimidation. I am a woman engineering major, which means I am among the a vast minority of people. I go to a college where every freshmen enters majoring in some type of engineering field and quickly changes to a business major. Engineering is HUGE here. Definitely the best college to go to for engineering in the state, and almost in the entire southeast. Engineering companies around here only hire graduates from my school in a lot of cases. But think about how incredibly intimidating that is! I am in a male-dominated field, and I am by far not the smartest student in the college. I live every day in intimidation and awe that I can actually do the things that I am doing. I mean, a year ago I was going to go to a private school and become an elementary school teacher. My life has not always looked like what it does right now. The difference is God stepped in and told me what he wanted me to pursue. He laid on my heart mission work that I can do as a Civil Engineer. He put a love of math in me (something I was NOT born with) and a fascination with structures. And so I made the switch and here I am. And I'm doing pretty great so far.

Granted, it will get much, much harder as I get into higher level classes. But I trust God. I know without a doubt that I am in the major God wants me in. He blessed me with scholarships specifically for engineering, something I know he wouldn't have done with this is not where I was supposed to be.  I know that right now I'm not studying for me, I'm studying for the gospel. I will not ignore the mission calling that God has on my heart. I can't wait to see how that unfolds, but I'm not giving up on it. But bottom line is, I'm not in school for me. Which is why I am working my butt off. I'm doing the Lord's work right now. And I truly believe that. It may sound crazy, but I truly believe it.

The only thing that is getting me through it is knowing that God is stronger. I go back to a worship song I have sang many many times. Part of it goes a little like this:
"I may be weak,
but Your spirit's strong in me,
My flesh may fail,
but my God You never will"

Whenever I'm intimidated or scared about what the future is going to look like this, I remember these verses. I know that I can do NONE of this on my own. Not joking, none of it. I would be doing terribly in college. I am not strong enough to handle this pressure by myself and I know that. I know that sounds crazy because many people go through college without Christ, but it's been a tough transition and on my own I am not emotionally or mentally capable of handling it. But God is. And God never fails. And I'm here by his calling, by his plan. So I know he's got my back, and I'm going to follow him throughout this journey, no matter if it takes 6 years and I lose all my scholarships and I'm a nervous wreck. I'm where I need to be.

I challenge you all to find exactly what it is that God is leading you to. It may not even be a degree or a call to the mission field in the sense that most people see it as. It could be something totally different and crazy. I just want you to listen to that calling and stick with it. It will be intimidating, but let God amaze you. He will work wonders in you, no matter how crazy it is, and you will push through. I'm going to use the very over-used bible verse Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". It's over-used because its so incredibly true. Go out there and be awesome. And listen to this worship song because it is the bomb. (ps. I'm a civil engineering major, not a computer engineering major, so you're going to have to copy and past the link below into your browser, but it's worth it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMVvqI1-tM4

Aint it Fun Livin' in the Real World?

Well here I am, sitting in my itty bitty dorm room, writing a blog post. The last 2 days have been filled with such mixed emotions from every end of the spectrum but I think the one word that just ties it all together perfectly is "overwhelming".  Absolutely nothing I have had planned in my head for many many months now has actually happened as I had planned it. From the bed loft I thought I would buy not fitting my bed to my dorm being too small to actually fit the bed loft I did end up buying in the way I thought it would be. Adjusting to living in a room a little bit bigger than my bathroom meant for 2 people and sharing a bathroom with 20 other girls has been different. but it has definitely been a good different.

God has definitely been trying to teach me before classes even begin. I have learned that you have GOT to roll with the punches or you will sink. When you graduate high school, the crap that life throws at you gradually becomes more and more uncomfortable. I am super surprised that right off the bat things became more difficult. You have to adjust. I really do enjoy dorm life but it definitely isn't the comfortable life that most high school seniors have in their heads. Things have changed so much in the short time that I have been here and it would really have been easy if I just had given up and decided that I hated college that first day. But I didn't. I sat back and wondered why God would give me this cup. He did it in the name of teaching 

From this point on, I will always look for solutions to problems in a more realistic way than ever before. These are real life problems that I am encountering, things that I have to fix on my own. I am so glad that I was introduced to this right off the bat. It seems like such a simple thing that most people think is common sense, but it's not. You have to be on your own, figuring out your own problems for it to really connect. 

For the rest of our lives, problems will arise. Set backs will come. Everything we have had planned in our heads for years will not go as planned. And that's okay. Our God is with us and he has a plan. And things always go according to his plans. That is enough comfort for the next 4 years of college and a year getting my masters and a career and a husband and some kids. Or you know, whatever God has planned for me. 

Have fun out there fellow college students! The fun has just begun. And adults out there, remember this lesson too. God bless!

Spirit, Lead Me Where My Trust is Without Borders

I am writing at a much too late time in the middle of the night simply because God is good and he has made my cup overflow yet again. As many of you know, I will be starting college next month. Some of you may have been through this yourself, so you know all about the nervousness/excitement you feel. You honestly do not know what to expect at all, but you are so ready for whatever it is. Just how much would you completely flip if you had to go into this not knowing where you would be living this year? Scratch that, what if you're college let you pick out a roommate that you had gotten to know for months and then told you that there actually wasn't room for you so they would pay for you to stay in a hotel until someone dropped out and you wouldn't actually get to room with your room mate. Yeah, not a cool feeling. Well that was the boat I was in.

I go to a college where the acceptance rate is through the roof. Funny thing is, it's actually one of the most respected schools for many, many majors in the southeast. This means that an insane amount of people pay for the first semester and about 30% of them actually end up dropping out super quickly, which in turn means the school makes thousands off of students they never really believed in in the first place. With this being the case, you must apply for housing as soon as the first inkling of wanting to attend the school actually forms itself into a brain wave and goes through your mind. I, being the indecisive person that I am, decided I wanted to go here in February. Apparently that was too late, hence me being an "overflow" student.

OBVIOUSLY I was bummed beyond words. I had plans to skip "The Great Move In Day" and just wait until I had to move in. I didn't even want to look at the pile of junk I had just bought for a dorm I would have to wait weeks and week for. And I was super bent that I just spent months getting to  know a girl I thought I would be living with but actually would be no where near. Not to mention, we planned for our room to be super cute and matchy and that no longer would be the case. I was not a nice person today by any stretch.

Then I decided it was time to put on the big girl panties and deal with it. After all, this was my first experience with "The Real Word" and hey, "The Real World" never really had sparkling reviews did it? I was going to give it to God. I didn't know why I had been the one that was homeless. I thought I had done everything right in my college search, right down to making sure the school I wanted to go to was also the school he wanted me at. But I knew that his plan was what mattered and i was going to make the best out of it. Who knew, the person I did end up rooming with might need Jesus. I trusted that he knew what he was doing so I finally gave over the reigns, 100%.

I then made the hour long trek to an amazing worship service that is held on Tuesday nights. When I arrive, I look at my phone and see that my room mate had texted me... We had gotten a dorm. Yes, it's the crappiest dorm on campus and yes, we will have to relocate after Christmas due to renovations, but I am no longer homeless...

Praise God!! 

So as I go into worship and begin singing "Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me" it hits me... God needed me to learn how to trust him. I have just entered a world where I do things on my own, which means plans will go, well, not as planned. I have to be able to fully know that no matter what happens or where I go it's in his plan and God has a hold on my life. I am about to walk into more of a battle field than I realize. Its a battle for souls. If I cant trust God, how can I convince anyone else to do the same? I know that even when it feels like things are upside down, its part of his plan. Just because I don't have it all figured out doesn't mean he doesnt. We never know what mission opportunities we have laid out before us and it is absolutely essential that we walk into the unknowing with a smile on our face so that others may ask why in the world we are so happy when everything seems to be going off the tracks. 

I am so glad to have had him teach me this lesson with his own hands and his own voice. It is certainly something I will never forget. If you havent heard the song Oceans by Hillsong (or if you've just heard the really bad radio version), the link is listed below. Please listen to it! It is one of my all time favorite worship songs and it always reminds me that he is the calm in the storm. With Jesus, you dont have to walk on water. You can just swim. He will keep your eyes above the water, even when the waves are taller than you can see. But trust is the key. God bless. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

Pomp and Circumstance (Almost)

Today at a certain school on top of a hill, the bells rang one last time, locker doors slammed shut a final time, and a school parking lot drained out all too quickly. The same sounds were made, the same laughs were heard, and the same names were called today as they were when we first walked into that same school on August 1st, 2010. Today was my last real day of high school.

It doesn't feel happy or excited or even sad. There is only one word to describe the feeling that every senior is inevitably feeling at the moment and that word is "weird". I don't know what to feel. I'm excited for the future but then again it's uncomfortable. It's like we're mourning the loss of all the friendships we've ever known, the ones we've shared since we started Kindergarten in 2001. But at the same exact time we're fantasizing over the new friendships we'll create. The only thing I can connect this feeling to is my experience when reading Harry Potter (I'm a nerd, I know). You read a chapter where so much action happened and some losses occurred and all the sudden you find yourself at the end of that chapter feeling more emotionally confused than ever. You are excited and eager to move on to the next chapter to find out what happens next and to become enveloped in that story line, but you still find yourself lingering, fully reflecting on what you're leaving behind. That's exactly how I am today.

I know the next page of life will be full of more words and relationships and happiness. I have known for a while that the page I just finished would be coming to an end soon. But I'm in that weird in-between stage, that awkward blank chunk of paper between the ending and starting chapters. So the question now is, what do I do with that white space?

I think, for the moment at least, I will choose to use the white space to reflect. I've been a cheerleader and president of clubs and in AP classes. I've learned what I do and I don't like. I found Christ and real friendships and some not so good ones too. I've had an absolute ball as well as the most frustrating time of my life. It IS weird, a weird I won't feel again, but it's a good weird.

Hats off to you, class of 2014. You've been great and I wouldn't have wanted to go through this journey with anyone else. But now it's time for someone else to take our place. We left our mark, we made waves in our little pool. Let's not let the ripples stop here. Love each and every one of you. Your future will be as bright as you choose to let it be. God bless you all.


      Freshman year                   Sophomore Year                                       Junior Year                              

SENIOR YEAR!!

For Better or For Worse

In the past 6 months, my world has been spun out of control. Almost everything that could go wrong has, whether it be with me or my family. It has been tough and there have been numerous times when that little booger called doubt started creeping up on me. Dealing with hard times and still praising God the whole way through is easily one of a human's biggest weaknesses. We believe in a loving God who only wants the best for us and is guiding our every footstep at all times. However, it is SO hard to keep on believing this when you are personally walking through a living hell. What if I told you that even in the worst of times, when we are in the middle of one of our biggest storms, he's still that same God that I described above.

Society sucks. Human nature sucks. This world SUCKS. I mean it really is baaaad. Our society tells us to do what makes us happy, while our human nature tells us that sin is what makes us happy, while this world (which is controlled by Satan; 2 corin 4:4) tries to throw everything it has at us to make sure that we do give into this temptation. You wanna be gay? Be gay. It's okay, it makes you happy, anyone who says its not okay is a bigot and not truly a Christian. You wanna get drunk? Do it. You're having a fun time and anyone who says its not okay is judgmental.  You wanna have pre-marital sex? It feels good, so do it. Anyone who says its not okay doesnt understand what forgiveness is. You dont want to believe in Jesus? Okay, that's fine. You're a good person so you'll go to heaven anyway. Anyone who says differently has the wrong idea of God. These are all things that our society, our nature, our world tell us and they're all WRONG. These are just a few examples of the lies Satan tells us and the sad part about it is these days most people take these as the truth and they falsely use bible verses to justify them. I included this little section to make a point. What our nature tells us is love and is good and is right usually is not anywhere near correct. Just because you're going through hard times doesnt mean that God isn't on your side anymore. Just because it's gotten rough doesnt mean you can abandon ship and turn to one of the lies mentioned above for an escape. That is NOT who God is. 

So who is God? Lamentations 3: 22-24 say this:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for his compassions never fail.

23 

They are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

24 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

    therefore I will wait for him.”

This verse tells us that God loves us SO much that we are given second chances over and over again, every single day. It tells us his love and his kindness NEVER fail, meaning that he is always good no matter what the circumstance is. It tells us that these kindnesses and this love is new every morning and he will always provide for us every day. It tells us he is faithful to do this, meaning he will never fail to treat us to these kindnesses and this love. And it gives us as example of how to act at all times, saying no matter what happens in life, God is more than enough for me and his timing is worth waiting on. 

So your family/friends die. You lose your job. You flunk out of school. You are terminally ill. You are homeless. You are addicted to drugs or sex or a sin. You are in jail. You are in thousands of dollars worth of debt. You life is seriously screwed up. 

What now? Are you going to give up on God? Are you going to believe the lies that Satan will try and is trying right at this very second to feed you? Are you going to turn to one of those sins mentioned above to try and escape or to rebel and accept this new false idea of the "hippie God", the God who is okay with whatever you want to do as long as it makes you happy? Or are you going to take God's word for what it is and start believe that all things work together for your good. Are you willing to stand up in the middle of the turmoil and the mess and worship the creator? Are you willing to dig deep into the word of God and seek what is truthful and develop a relationship with him and accept jesus christ as your lord and savior?

Or are you going to sit on your butt, cry, complain, and feel sorry for yourself? 

God is good all the time. All the time God is good. Even in death, he is good. Even in loss, he is there. Are you willing to find him? 

My Official First College/Home Decor Purchase EVER

   Yes, you read it right, I have taken another giant leap into adult hood... I'm purchasing seemingly boring home decor items... and I'm actually excited about it. I know, it's crazy, but the transition into a "boring adult" had to happen sometime, right? After touring my #1 college pick the other day, I came down with college decor fever. I mean, I got it BAD. In case you aren't as up-to-date on the new ways to decorate the dungeon also known as a college dorm, you probably need to check out Pinterest (you can follow me here). The things people come up with are just out of this world and it is seriously exciting me. In just a few short months I will be in my own little dungeon, trying to make it as comfortable as possible.. It's CRAZINESS. So purchasing this item actually seemed like a huge milestone in my life. It was almost like I was in a very nostalgic movie that had one of those really awesome voice-overs in the end where the hero makes some really incredible speech and you automatically feel empowered.  As I was standing at this make-shift register in a closing antique mall (while my item was being checked out by an old dude with his shirt unbuttoned to the waist...ick) my mind was making up my very own incredible voice-over. Yeah, I know, I'm getting deep! But it was a seriously cool moment. So, without further ado, here is my seriously awesome LAMP. It's vintage and versatile... It's perfection. Now, ending on a very cheesy note, my paths will always be well lit. :)